The Comcast Experience

by Omatic Design

OKAY. In terms of consistency—of actually working—Comcast’s service is the equivalent to the weather or perhaps a game of craps. Or the lottery. This fact is well known and deservedly and fairly embraced. While not a person, Comcast is a corporation, deemed a citizen by law. A contemptuous, monopolistic, inconsistent entity with nobody to call them out.

Comcast, you’re a booger head and I have no qualms making such a cruel statement, you booger head.

Comcast, this may seem sadistic, but I fantasize about tying you to a chair. Just a couple of hours so we have time to talk and share experiences. It’s no Reservoir Dogs moment, I promise. No need to call the authorities. I got more on you than you got on me.

It starts with a noogie. I’ll follow by serving you with a nice flat iron steak with a small organic greens salad with a balsamic dressing on the side. Then I’m going to walk away for an hour and leave a martini on the floor just out of your reach. I’ll then meander in and punch you in the neck. I’ll then tweak your nose but then I’ll give you a piece of the best Swiss chocolate. I’ll pull out nose hairs. Then you get a nice facial. Was that okay? Then I’ll wait a couple of minutes to give you a frontal wedgie.

Now you know how I feel. I have to reboot my modem almost everyday. Service is so awful, I run out of English and have to use swear words from other languages. God forfend you were a utility, where peoples’ lives depended on your service. You have no brand, no loyalty, no anything with the exception of sometimes working and being hated by your customers. And, boy, they hate you.

See ya never.

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